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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

90/10

Have u receive/ read an article by Steven Covey regarding the 90/10 principle

"Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life. What is the 90/10 Principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction.” - Covey

The rest about this article is an example of a daughter who spilled a cup of coffee on her dad during breakfast . And what is the dad’s reaction .Good and bad response

What I’m interested to jot here is my own experience which is similar to this story, just is not a cup of coffee but my 1 year 2 month daughter playing with arwah mama’s lipstics ( yes, I keep all my moms belonging.. e.g clothes, make-up set, brooch, sewing kit etc )

It happened on last Sunday when we were getting ready for my cousin's engagement. She has been playing with the lipsticks ( actually dah kemetot dah lipstick tu ) since morning when her tokba gave her to play. I observe that she did not know how to turn the lipstick up, so I just ignored and let her continue playing.

When everyone is nicely dressed up and I had finished wearing tudung, I turned to her and saw the lipstick tainted all around , on her dress, her face and floor. And it a red blood color…My first response was of coz screaming.. then abi came to look what happen. And for lil Shukrina, she was laughing happily.Ya Rabbi.. ( ummi kena sound la dgn abi sbb tak amik awal2 .huhu and I gave reason that I observe since morning she doesn’t know how to open it, who knows suddenly she’s so smart , able to open the lipstick when ummi syok2 posing depan cermin )

And u know la what happen next.Went to clean her up first, and the lipstick stain very difficult to be removed out. I was using soap and but not that effective. And Shukrina’s hand ( with the stain) quickly touch here and there, the wall, my tudung, while I’m cleaning the other hand. Passed her to abi and abi wipe with dry towel

Now my tudung kena …I was grumbling,..( awat tak keluaq ni )..then only remembered to use baby oil/olive oil ( lambat sangat baru nak terpikiq ). Then I took Shukrina from abi to apply some oil on her hand ( still remain residue ) and since her coverall was dark brown, so I did not notice the dress also been tarnished . and looked at abi…wuaaaa.abi shirt also got this red color mark..

Now, 3 of us have to change , abi’s shirt, Shukrina’s coverall and inner shirt, ummi’s tudung.. and the boring part is for me to iron again. Our plan to go out earlier is impossible( luckily we were not in the plan of following the rombongan, just wait at my aunt’s house -as my cousin is bridegroom side, so only ‘mak2,pak2sedara ‘ going , only 10 minutes driving distance )

That’ s the end of the story. And what’ the morale behind?

As per Covey’s..

10% is the lipstick stain on dress/shirt/wall/floor wherever it is

90% is we determine it by our reaction.

If abi/ummi continue scolding Shukrina or blame the situation, actually no point, I mean.. the more we feel the anger, the more we are out of our mind.

For example. If I scold my lil, she will cry and continue crying + screaming and difficult to handle ( clean her up, change dress and now she knows how to merajuk )- result LATE & HAVE TO PUJUK HER

Ummi out of mind ( dah pakai cantik2 kan, tetiba kotor pulak ) need to iron again with –ve emotion , silap2 terbakar pulak tudung dok iron tuh- LATE & BURNT TUDUNG

Abi, also getting angry of ummi and daughter , driving releCklesly –LATE OR DO NOT REACH THE DESTINATION

These are example of –ve reaction.

But if we take a pause and think of +ve response. What are the consequences

For example :
Do not scold the daughter, with a reason, is our fault letting her playing and she knows nothing bout the lipstick and stain, and she also do not know where we are we going , why this event so important to our family bla..bla..bla..

- SHE Won’t cry and even laugh ( like Shukrina) and no need to pujuk her

- Easy to handle ( change dress/cleaning )

Ummi try to be calm, control emotion. Talk to her gently, corrected her patiently. Even has to iron again, possible to burn the tudung is slim.
Abi also stay cool, remind ummi next time to be more careful, then he can drive carefully and safely ( yalah..is not abi who re- iron the new shirt , huh ! ) and no fire fighting series in the car

The ultimate of ummi and abi being calm, patient and do not jump resulted in a happy journey, not in a hurry (even late ) and no hurt feeling ( sbb kena marah dgn abi) and Shukrina also happy!!

And I tried to re-cap what had happened with abi on our way to my cousins’ house. Both of us agreed that we are on learning curve. And whether we are aware or not, Shukrina is the teacher, she teaches us a lot. How ..?? She creates the situation that make us think how to handle or overcome it . Can u imagine, if we have no baby/kids, no lipstick tarnishing around the house/clothes, no need to find solution ( soap/olive oil) to clean the stain and we can go out happily on time.

But with this kind of situation, we learn .. learn how to wash the lipstick mark ( teruknya ummi ni..tapi is really difficult to be remove within a time ) , how to react to adorable baby who knows nothing except playing in her own world , learn how to control the emotion, learn to be effective, iron and dress up nicely and quickly and decision making

Note to my dear Shukrina : Ummi mintak maaf sbb ummi mcm nak naik hangin after sayang korek2 lipstick tu dan kotorkan semua.tapi alhamdulillah , sayang..u guide me with ur smile and laughter , show me how to handle things and ummi try to cool down ( so tak marah shukrina teruk2 kan! hehe ). afterall is my fault, forgive me sayang...

Ummu Imtiyaz
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5 sharing:

precious innocent said...

huh.. insaf kejap...

tp kejap je la... :P

-mama emma-

Dayah said...

:)
mamaemma,kita ni manusia biasa..mmg cepat lupa&insat sat sj kan, kan,kan..betui, betui,betui

kakyong said...

salam..

gud u hv 1 'teacher'.. i hv 3 cutey 'teacher'. suami kakyong jenis yg cepat tgn, so kalo anak2 start sepah2 kan barang, spashly di dapur.. kakyong akan cepat2 tarik anak.. kalo ayahnyer dah marah, & anak2 menangis memang 'seksa' rasanya.. nak kena pujuk anak dulu, yg bersepah tu, kakyong tinggalkan dulu.. sbb kdg2 i just can't stand bila anak nangis sbb kena marah @ ayahnyer tgn kan.. i hate the situation.. kakyong pun selalu kena ingatkan suami, jgn pukul anak, kecik lagi.. bgtahu dia dgn baik, cakap elok2.. anak2 ni bila dari kecil dah kena cubit/pukul, dia akan jadi degil.. besar kan cabaran nak mendidik anak ni.. semuanya harus bermula positif sejak usia baby lagi..

Dayah said...

agree KakYOng..
tapi kita ni la nak kena didik diri supaya byk sabar, jgn cepat hangin ..heheh

Hanz said...

Thanks for sharing the Stephen Covey enlightenment & more thanks on your recent lipstick incident...

After this, I must keep reminding myself & hubby to be more patient with my boys especially the elder one